on saying no…

No. Naw. No thank you. Nope. No thanks. Not today, not today. ⁣⁣

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There’s so many ways to say it. Which probably means it’s that much more important that we actually do say it, in any way that we can.⁣⁣

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Saying no = setting a boundary.⁣⁣

Who here has a hard time saying no? 🙋🏻‍♀️⁣⁣

⁣⁣ I think the most common thing my clients say when they want to enforce a boundary is: “What if they get upset with me?” And my answer is radically honest. And probably hard to hear. ⁣⁣

“They might get mad at you.”⁣⁣

But that means that they were probably benefiting from your lack of a boundary before. They might have gotten used to you being 1000% available for them. Or they might have a hard time being confronted with their own difficulties and project them back onto you. ⁣⁣

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But let me be the first to tell you: ⁣⁣

💡YOU are allowed to say no. ⁣⁣

💡Setting a boundary is not hurting the other person.⁣⁣

💡It won’t MAKE them stop loving you. ⁣⁣

💡It does NOT mean that you don’t care. It actually means that you care more. If you can believe that!?⁣⁣

💡Setting a boundary is necessary for your own damn self care and survival. ⁣⁣

💡Respect yourself and keep it, too. ⁣⁣

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Imagine you never said no. You’re going to burn out from giving yourself to others. ⁣⁣

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As a young therapist (I’m talking still in grad school, MFT Trainee) I told myself I would not schedule regular Friday sessions at the two unpaid community clinics I worked at, ...unpaid. I still worked 16 hour days Monday-Thursday, and picked up paid on-call work on the weekends... but Friday was mine. And occasionally for clinical trainings, but Friday was mine and I neeeeeded that day. It’s the only reason I survived. ⁣⁣

So, when I say you need boundaries to survive, I mean it.⁣⁣

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Say no, set a boundary, and be fearless in the pursuit of living your best life!